“For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God? — the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless.” Psalm 18:31-32 (ESV)
There I was again, unable to fall into a deep slumber because the scenarios playing out in my half-conscious state were unfolding as if they were true. Tears were streaming down my face as I tried to comprehend the weight of what was happening. “Wake up,” I silently cried to myself. “But the scenarios, so painful and realistic, held me there a bit longer. “Surely this is real,” I thought, “surely it’s not,” I prayed. Finally a thought broke through jarring me awake, “such matters should not be weighed in the dark.” I awoke crying out to the Lord, “Are you warning me or am I fighting a battle in the night?”
Fully conscience, I spent the next few hours wrestling through tears and prayers in search of the truth, separating what I knew to be real from what I thought I had imagined. Throughout the process, I realized that my dream had held bits of truth here and there, but those bits were swallowed up by chunks of lies, disconnected and molded into a scenario that was utterly false. Exhausted and torn, I surrendered my battle by asking God one question. “If any part of this is true, what does your word require of me?” What came to mind was instant. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV) That was it! The raw truth I needed for both the night I had just wrestled through and the day that was fast approaching.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart,” because if what I was imagining was true, painful as it was, I needed to trust in the Lord whose strength is inconceivable to get me through what I was about to face.
“Lean not on your own understanding,” because if the scenario ended up being true, I needed to resolve myself to the fact that I would not understand why until hindsight propped its precious lenses squarely upon my face. Trials are tough and they serve a glorious purpose that only God can shed light on over time.
“In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” because acknowledging the LORD in power, presence and providence leads us into the light of His truth while trusting in dark thoughts leads us deeper into the darkness of night.
As it turned out, I was not facing this battle alone; I was sharing it with my husband. During the night I was called upon to seek the strength he would need the following day to discern some truth from lies. To God be the glory for being the light which shines in the darkness. “For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God? — the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless.” Psalm 18:31-32 (ESV)
How awesome is it that God equips us even before we know we need it?